Masters of Gilligan

Outta Here

The Bob half of Masters of Gilligan will be on hiatus until Monday, July 7.  Will this be the week that Joe returns to the delight of millions?  Stay tuned.

Horsemen Three and Four, Prepare to Ride

I can't bring myself to assault you with this myself -- but look if you dare.

There are only four words to sufficiently describe the horror, and they are....

Mary. Worth. Camel. Toe.

Dear sweet merciful God in heaven -- what have we done to displease you so to deserve such a horror?  And this on the day that we learn of the existence of a Mini-Me sex tape.  Next time you're all p.o.'d at us, please, Lord, just send another flood instead of stuff like this.

Mary Gets Off Her High Horse -- And Mounts An Even Higher SUPER Horse

Let's review what has Mary in high dudgeon, shall we?

She's p.o.'d at Dr. Jeff because he had the temerity to get a little miffed when she broke their date (after they've been "exclusive" for what seems like a quarter century) in order to go on a date with a guy she'd known for 47 seconds -- a date which ended up on the front page of the local Daily Meddler.

Personally, I'm a little more disturbed that Jeffy-boy is a spineless blob.  Take a look at the last two days' worth of grovelling:

Yep, that's our Queen of Nice, Mary Worth.  Your average dominatrix is more forgiving than the succubus of Charterstone.    After Jeff hangs up, Mary's going to go unwind with her favorite fantasy:

 
...followed by a few moments of her favorite past-time -- watching a dog die.

Children Go Where I Send Thee

Usually, when a song gets stuck in my head, it's something inane and annoying.  Like Mungo Jerry.  Or the Golden Grahams commercial from roughly 1975.

But for the past few days, I've had a song from a bluegrass compilation that we bought a few years back stuck in my head, and I'm starting to think that I'd be perfectly happy if it was my earworm for the rest of my life.

The song is "Children Go Where I Send Thee," a traditional spiritual done up right by someone named DorNel Pratt.  You can hear a small sample here.

Turns out that everybody and their brother have covered this song at one time or another.  Artists like Johnny Cash, Natalie Merchant, Hall and Oates, Dionne Warwick, Peter Paul & Mary, and about a billion others have had a go.

Out of all of those, though, I'd single these three out as my favorites, in no particular order:

• Crimson River Quartet
• The Hagar's Mountain Boys (which is closest in arrangement to the DorNel Pratt version that turned me on to the song in the first place)
• Tennessee Ernie Ford (keep your eye on the kid at Tennessee Ernie's right elbow.  He's as full of awesome as the song itself.)

On the other hand -- there's this version.

Some Photos of the Kids

Taken following a May wedding at Phipps Conservatory.  Enjoy.  In the third one, I believe they're preparing to become emo kids.

   

Some Crap About Me

Two pals (and former co-workers, both from the same organization, hey there Aimee and Kyle!) recently tagged me with a pretty straightforward meme.  Here goes:

The Rules:
Once you’ve been tagged, you have to write a blog with 10 weird, random, facts, habits or goals about yourself. At the end, choose 6 people to be tagged, list their names & why you tagged them. Don’t forget to leave them a comment saying “You’re it!” & to go read your blog. You cannot tag the person that tagged you, so since you’re not allowed to tag me back; let me know when you are done so I can go read YOUR weird/random/odd facts, habits and goals.

Well, the truth is that I've given out seemingly thousands of random quirks about myself over the years -- for example, there are 72 of them here....eight more here....

...but what the hell, here are 10 More Random Things About Me.

1. I can, and will if enough beer is involved, perform all of the Pips backing vocals and dance moves from "Midnight Train to Georgia."  Don't count on ever seeing it in your lifetime, though.
2. I will go out of my way to use the backspace key over the delete key.  I have no idea why this is.  I just...don't trust "delete."  It seems like a cheap way out.  With backspace, you have to go back and feel shame for your errors. 
3. Simple, stupid things outrage me far out of proportion.  For example, people who hang their six-packs of plastic beverage bottles over the sides of their cart.  I see no practical purpose for this behavior.  Honestly, I actually get a little angry when I see people do this, and I think it's a desperate cry on my part for psychological help.
4. I still don't own a cell phone.
5. The following embarrassing tunes are on my iPod (in addition to Hanson's mmmBop, which I revealed in an earlier entry:  Stayin' Alive, Mr. Blue Sky, Urgent, The Humpty Dance.  When any one of these songs come on when I'm at the gym, I steal a quick glance around, then discretely lower the volume if anyone is within earshot.  I do not, however, skip the track.  I'm a firm believer in iPod karma -- if it came on, it was meant to come on.
6. I was 30 years old before I flew in an airplane.
7. A friend of mine still, on occasion, will give me grief over the poorly-planned contents he found in one of my drawers while helping me move.  In retrospect, he's probably right -- keeping a drawer full of nothing but condoms and thumb tacks probably wasn't the best idea I ever had.
8. I was there at the Syria Mosque when Bon Jovi opened for Donnie Iris.  And I distinctly recall thinking that Bon Jovi would never get anywhere, while someday Donnie would be recognized as the genius he is.  (Speaking of Donnie, have you ever seen the shot-for-shot remake some Canadian kids did of his "Do You Compute" video?  Here's the original -- and here's the remake.)
9. I have an entry on IMDB.  My "costume designing" on that film consisted of driving the small wardrobe around in a rented van.
10. And here's a truly embarrassing one -- in certain contexts, I find Tom Arnold to be riotously funny.

So that's it -- 10 more random oddball tidbits from a random oddball.  I'll include a bonus 11th, which is this -- I generally don't pass memes forward.  But feel free to play along if you'd like.

Oh Mary You...Got What I Need

Oh, fer Christ's sake Jeff -- has Biz Markie taught you nothing?

Extry, Extry, Read All About It

Meddling biddy caught in love nest with limp-noodled aging bureaucrat, fondles his oversized pepper shakers.  Extry, extry!

Today we see the depth of Santa Royale's hatred for Mary Worth -- the fact that she's cheating on Dr. Jeff makes the front page of the Daily Meddler.  Right this moment, the entire town is engaged in a vigorous bout of gleeful hand-rubbing over Mary's long-overdue comeuppance.

This being Mary Worth, though, somehow they'll manage to spin this that Mary is the aggreived party here.  Just watch.  Dr. Jeff will end up being the shitheel in this storyline, in spite of the fact that Mary clearly broke their date in order to go out to dinner with Burgermeister Meisterburger there.

Perhaps she's just working Mr. Councilguy so that he'll support Charterstone's anachronistic exemption from fair housing laws, which has long been used to keep out anyone vaguely ethnic.  (Except for that one latino gardener, last seen being insulted by Professor Neckbeard's obnoxious sister-in-law.)

In other failed relationship news, I hope my final night on this earth is a lot like this guy's -- filled with beer, sex, and fried chicken.  At least his final hours were finger-lickin' good.

That's a Cool Prog-Rock Tune

(Yet another concept blatantly stolen from T&A...)

70's prog-rock -- innovative and mind-expanding, or self-indulgent wankery?  You decide.  (The verdict here says "a little of both.")

The commonality between these two clips is that, in my opinion they're surprisingly funky.  (Listen to the bass on both, although the Yes piece is a horrible, muddy recording.)  Surprisingly funky, that is, for effete pasty art school geeks, which, let's face it, is what both of these bands are. 

Peter Gabriel-era Genesis - "I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)"

Yes - "Parallels"

We're Not the Champions, My Friends

...but we did keep on fighting 'til the end, that's for sure.

Congrats to the Penguins on a fantastic season, and congrats to the Red Wings on their well-deserved Stanley Cup victory.  The Wings were like a machine out there.  That's a hell of a team.  Hopefully the Pens saw some things that'll help in the future.

At least with the Pens long playoff run, and the fact that Steelers camp opens in roughly six weeks, we only have to endure a month and a half of the Pirates as the top story on the sports page.  Come mid-July, it'll be plenty easy to go on ignoring them as they so richly deserve.

If only we could be assured that this meant an end to the nose rangers and commercials for boner pills where two people celebrate the fellow's return to turgidity by sitting outside in separate tubs.

One thing I can guarantee you is that if I ever develop a need for a chemical assist down there in man-land, and the medication is kicking in, I will NOT be wasting my time sitting around looking at the ocean in separate tubs.  The first twinge down there and it's go time, baby.

Speaking of go time, is that our paragon of virtue, Mary Worth, headed out for a date with a man who isn't Dr. Jeff?

"Oh, and don't worry about the coming early and all.  Dr. Jeff did that all the time."

Please say "The Bum Boat." Please say "The Bum Boat." Please say "The Bum Boat."

And you just keep right on playing pocket pool there, Ron.  If Dr. Jeff's experience is any indication, that's the only action you're going to be seeing for a LOOOOONG time.